Krummy Valentine's
by kci47
Summary: Hermione and Viktor Krum go on a terrible Valentine's date. Set during Goblet of Fire. Written in response to OCDdegrassi's "Anti-Valentine's Day" challenge on HPFC.


Hermione's gaze darted around the gaudily-decorated teashop as she sat across from Viktor. The walls at Madam Puddifoot's had been covered in pink cloth, and the gnomes dressed like Cupids had decided to dump all their confetti out at once. The cloying scent of roses was so think Hermione thought she might choke to death. Happy couples were everywhere she looked, snuggled together, holding hands… snogging. Ew.

"So, this is your St. Valentine's tradition?" Viktor looked around, clearly trying to understand why anyone would subject themselves to such a spectacle.

"Erm, no, not… not mine, anyway," Hermione said, brushing confetti out of her hair. To her dismay, it fell into her coffee, instead. After the Yule Ball, Viktor had taken to following her everywhere, despite her subtle attempts to discourage him. Try as she might, she couldn't erase the memory of the things Ron had yelled at her.

A long silence grew, until they both spoke at once.

"Vould you like to go-"

"How is your coffee-"

Hermione laughed nervously, and Viktor gestured for her to speak first.

"We don't have to stay any longer, if you don't want to," she offered. She had been surprised when Viktor had asked her to accompany him into Hogsmeade for the Valentine's Day weekend, and in her flustered state the only thing she'd been able to come up with was a weak _"Um, yes?"_

Now, here they were, surrounded on all sides by lovey-dovey couples, angry gnomes, and confetti. Hermione angrily tossed some more onto the floor, wondering if it was ever-lasting confetti or constantly-reproducing confetti. Whatever it was, it was annoying.

"No, ve can stay," Viktor replied. They were both awkwardly silent again. Hermione wanted to take another sip of her coffee, but she did not fancy drinking any confetti. She sighed.

"Are you done? We can go walk around Hogsmeade," she said. Viktor finished the last of his coffee and stood up. He was on his way around the table to help her with her coat when one of the gnomes thwacked him with a rubber-tipped arrow. Hermione watched in slow-motion horror as Viktor whipped around to see what had hit him and his foot caught in the long, pink tablecloth.

For someone who was so graceful on a broom, Viktor was terribly clumsy on the ground. His arms were flailing everywhere as he tried to break his fall, and he accidentally knocked the table over. Confetti, cold coffee, and the remains of their biscuits flew into the air before landing on Hermione. She scrambled backwards to avoid the table, but tripped over her chair in her haste.

Crashing to the floor, Hermione kept her eyes squeezed shut. Maybe this wasn't happening – yes, maybe this was just a dream! She had been so nervous about her Valentine's date with Viktor that she was having a nightmare about it. That had to be it.

Nightmares didn't usually come with throbbing pain, though. Hermione cracked one eyelid open and saw to her dismay that a dozen people were standing above them, pointing and laughing. She sat up and managed to untangle herself from Viktor and the tablecloth. Madam Puddifoot herself was screeching at both of them to get out of her shop. Hurrying to comply, Hermione grabbed Viktor's arm and pulled him from the shop.

"Vell, that vos interesting," Viktor said sullenly. He leaned towards her, and in a minute of panic Hermione thought he was going to kiss her. She jumped backwards, out of his way, only to knock into a person walking down the street behind them.

"Miss Granger, do watch where you are going," the cold voice drawled, and Hermione groaned. _Of course _it would be Professor Snape. Turning to face him, she winced at the angry look on his face. "That will be ten points from Gryffindor, I believe," he murmured.

"It vos not her fault, it vos mine!" Viktor exclaimed. Hermione once again grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away. He may not know Snape, but she did – and arguing with him would only make it worse. She was right.

"I see. Since I unfortunately cannot deduct points from other schools, I will have to take another ten from Miss Granger." Snape's eyes gleamed as she struggled to bite her tongue.

"Viktor, come _on_," Hermione urged him, tugging uselessly at his sleeve. Snape waited a few more moments, but when it became apparent that neither Viktor nor Hermione would say any more, he strode off.

"I am sorry, Hermy-own-ninny," Viktor muttered.

Sighing, Hermione steered him towards a bench outside one of the shops. "It's alright," she answered. She couldn't blame Viktor for losing Gryffindor twenty points – but she knew who would. Ron.

They sat in silence, watching the other couples parade up and down the little street. Hermione racked her brain, but she couldn't think of a nice way to end their disastrous date. Her thoughts were scattered when she felt something cold slide over her hand, and she yelped loudly before she realized that it was Viktor's hand, trying to hold hers.

Her yell of surprise had the unfortunate effect of loosening the snow from the sloped roof above them. Before she knew what happened, they were buried in an avalanche of falling snow. When it finally stopped, Hermione was covered up to her neck.

Viktor struggled out of the pile of snow first, and began digging Hermione out. A large handful of cold, wet, icy snow slid down the neck of her cloak, raising goosebumps all over her back where it touched her skin. She was so caught up in the terrible discomfort the snow was causing that she wasn't paying attention when Viktor grasped her shoulders and yanked. For the second time that day, Hermione found herself falling to the ground.

They fell in a tumble of robes and cloaks, landing with a splash in the gray, melted snow puddles on the street. From her position atop Viktor, Hermione could see all her classmates emerging from nearby shops to see what was going on.

Her face flaming, Hermione moaned quietly in dismay. They would never let her live this down.

"Viktor, can we go back to the castle now, please? This has been…"

"Very bad, yes?" Viktor supplied.

For the first time that afternoon, Hermione laughed. "Very."

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><p><strong>AN: Written for OCDdegrassi's "Anti-Valentine's Day" challenge on HPFC. Un-beta'd, all mistakes are mine. I immediately thought of Hermione and Krum, although I ended up lacking some inspiration when I sat down to write it. I'm not JK Rowling, nor even a distant relative.**


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